Creating a Parenting Plan

Co-parenting after a divorce or a break-up does not need to be chaotic and complicated. A well-crafted parenting plan gives your children consistency and provides both parents with a roadmap for the future. When written effectively, a Parenting Plan can help reduce conflict and allow parties to co-parent (or parallel parent) effectively. Although Parenting Plans cannot account for everything that comes up and often change as children get older, it is important to think about the future, so you do not have to constantly re-write your parenting plan every few months or years.

What is a Parenting Plan?

A Parenting Plan is a legally binding document that outlines how parenting time will be split, how decisions for your children will be made, and how your child will be financially supported that is filed into a divorce or custody case and becomes an enforceable court order.

Key Parts to Include in a Parenting Plan

1. Parenting Time

   1. Weekly parenting time schedule

   2. How exchanges and transportation will occur

   3. Holidays and Vacations

   4. School Breaks

   5. Telephone/video contact with the other parent

2. Decision-Making Responsibilities 

   1. Education

   2. Medical, dental, orthodontic and vision decisions

   3. Mental health

   4. Religion

   5. Extracurricular activities

3. Communication

   1. How will communication between the parents typically occur (text, email, parenting application)

   2. How will communication occur for emergencies

   3. How will extracurricular activity schedules and important events be shared (example- shared calendar)

   4. How will communication with the children occur

4. Dispute Resolution- how you will resolve future issues when there is a disagreement

   1. Mediation

   2. Arbitration

   3. Parenting Coordinator

   4. Decision Maker

5. Child Support

   1. Monthly child support amount

   2. Who will cover the cost of health, dental, and vision insurance for the children

   3. How will uninsured medical expenses be shared

   4. How will educational expenses be shared

   5. How will mutually-agreed upon extracurricular expenses be shared

How to Create a Successful Parenting Plan

1. Be Specific

It is important to be specific in a Parenting Plan. For example, it is a good idea to include exact exchange times and locations for all pick-ups and drop-offs. Also, it is important to include major holidays that you and your family want to celebrate. Many parents alternate major holidays based on even/odd years; however, this does not work for all families. Another area that we often see conflict is how to handle snow/sick days. Make sure to clearly address this in a parenting plan, so there is less conflict when these days occur.  It is okay to make minor deviations from the Parenting Plan if both parties agree to do so in writing but you should have specifics to fall back on when there is a disagreement.

2. Keep the Children’s Best Interest in Mind

Remember that a parenting plan is about your children, so it must focus on your children’s best interests. Perhaps you like a week/on, week-off schedule; however, your children do better when they see both parents every few days. It is important that you step back and consider what is best for our children versus focusing on what works best for your schedule.

3. Plan for Growth

As we know, children grow FAST! With this in mind, you want to plan for your children growing in your parenting plan. Some tips include building in age-based schedule adjustments or stepped-up parenting time schedules for young children and/or a transition plan for teens. For young children, we often find that continuing and frequent contact with both parents works well for many young children; however, many teenagers do not do well with constant transitions and might do better with a week-on/week-off schedule. 

Consider events that seem far away, including when/if children will get cell phones and their driver’s license. How will car insurance be split and how with their car be paid for? These are often big areas where we see disagreements, so it is often helpful to start thinking about these ahead of time. 

Another area to plan for is to account for flexibility for after-school activities and school demands. As children get older, their schedules often get busier, so it is important to account for days that they have activities and remain flexible when these changes occur.

Tips for Reducing Conflict

1. Keep communication in writing and professional

Many parents find that it helps to keep all communication with the other parent in writing, except for emergencies. Also, many parents benefit from using a co-parenting app, such as Talking Parents or OurFamilyWizard. Keep in mind that most communication can be used in Court, so it is helpful to pretend that a judicial officer is reading the message before you send it to the other parent. All communication should be short and professional to help encourage a positive co-parenting relationship.  See our previous blog post on creating healthy communication boundaries.

2. Avoid using the children as messengers

It is important that parents not rely on their children to communicate messages to the other parent. This can be stressful for children and put them in the middle of a situation. Similarly, speaking negatively about the other parent to the children or within their presence is often detrimental to your child’s well-being. Any issues should be addressed directly with the other parent. 

3. Be flexible when life happens

It is important that you remain flexible. Life happens and co-parenting is not always a linear path. With this in mind, if the other parent is continuously trying to deviate from the parenting plan, it may be helpful to speak with an attorney about helping to enforce the parenting plan.

4. Schedule a time every year or so for you and the other parent to meet/discuss any changes that might need to be made to the current parenting plan 

It is important to have an open dialogue with the other parent and address issues that no longer work in your parenting plan. As children grow, parenting plans often have to grow with the child. Scheduling a time every year to address this, can be helpful for many parents.  This is not recommended, however, in cases where there is domestic violence, including coercive control.

If you would like assistance in crafting a Parenting Plan, we are here to help!